Vital Signs

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Relationship Worries 101? Red flags and green flags.

Relationship Worries 101?

Red flags and green flags.

What is your intuition telling you about a relationship? Are you arguing about everything and cannot come to an agreement? Many relationships can be complex, as they involve two or more persons who bring different views, ideas, habits and family values together.

RED FLAGS that you should not ignore.

X - Controlling behavior – s/he has changed on you and is angry when you do not meet their demands.

X - Short-tempered -Getting angry for the smallest thing, so that you are always unhappy.

X - Constantly texting or calling –a lack of trust – there is no resolution of past relationships and they are always very suspicious about where you are.

X - Physically or sexually abusive – at first you interpreted this abuse as your fault for provoking them, but now you know that the person is mean and unkind to you.

X - Pressuring and Manipulative - Your partner wants their own way all the time – your needs are never seen as important enough

X - Name-calling and emotionally hurtful – Your partner undermines you and puts you down, especially in front of his/her family and friends

X - Cheating – Again? How many times before you are convinced? Your friends and family have shown you the evidence.

Unless you are okay with these red flags, and would put up with anything and anyone that comes your way because you are afraid of being alone, then do nothing.

However, if you desire a relationship with someone that is nurturing and based on respect, then you will have to address the red flags by communicating how you feel.

If this is difficult to do and you fear retaliation, speak to someone you trust, and make a plan for a way out of the relationship.

GREEN Flags. How many do you practice?

  • Trusting and Trustful –Being accepted, just the way you are, means you feel safe to be physically and emotionally intimate. He/she is attuned to your needs.

  • Views you as an equal – you like who you are with them. They support your personal growth. You do things for each other because you want to – not because you have to.

  • Respectful of partner’s intuition and opinions- You take note of his/her advice. Boundaries are respected, not resented.

  • Listens Attentively – healthy disagreements. Can agree to disagree. No tension.

  • Communicates and open about their feelings – they check to see how you are doing. You can openly share your feelings. No avoidance or putting off matters to discuss.

  • Comfortable silence – No need to talk all the time. You both have your own interests and value your differences.

Relationships can be healthy, with many green flags. A good relationship involves commitment and sacrifice; you are willing to give up certain things - not everything, and you shouldn’t expect them to either. It is all about balance and compromise. Hang in there. You got this!

Dr. Margaret Nakhid-Chatoor, ED.D. MBPsS.


Immediate Past President - Trinidad and Tobago Association of Psychologists.

Director - MNC Psychological Testing and Counselling Centre



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Health Disclaimer:

The Content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.

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